www.MethowValley.org-2021

[tristanbgilb]

angel of my eye
looking to the sky
as my heart melts
the beast
the lion
the zion
the burdens of my heart
lifted by the grace of love
the spirit
the holy spirt
in my heart
with the protection of christ blood
the praying for a safe introduction
with I be the judas
waiting for better
who shall it be
the glory
to know
the king
the christ
the flesh
to me a prophet
confused by the definitio
knowing of his love
his grace
his kindness
unknowing of his eternity
the alpha the omega
all in flesh
that depreciates
and suffers
so much confustion
delusion
what to know
how to relax
zen moment of peace
the wind blows
I am on a cloud
I am safe
the cloud is soft
it is like cotton candy in a cartoon skooby doo
all is good
this is my cloud
a real cloud
here it is me
and my god
with angel choirs
all in harmony
freedom to be at peace
ants in the street crawling up the sidewalk
it rains
the ants retreat
ants i the treat
man from the street
living with dirty feet
eating like a donkey
wrecking the view for the tourists
crazy fool got hungery
left the woods
not enough nettles and ants
oh they oh isreal
of locusts and honey
I have nothing but nettles and apples
and wild waters
with nothing to smoke
help me oh father in heaven
for I have nothing left
everything I once has is gone before me
then it seems there is an innocence
there is me and god
I am the devil created for a reason
god can love all creation
why would he create that which he did not love
then the evil of flesh is upon my beating heart.
help me father for I am tired
I must sleep
and the nights are cold
and the thoughts are true
I have no fire
no light
and no blanket
I ran away and now I have nothing
nothing but knowing you can not leave me as I have often tried to leave you father creator.

[tristanbgilb]

please help me I am falling
what can I do
I have fallen
in love with you
with disparity
and dissolution
they left me hanging
in an intuition
institute
refuse to comply
straight jacket
left to die
inject
inspect
look to hell again
back door to heaven
feet of god
don't look up
shaking and quiver
I can't give up
send me back
I am not ready to be judged
so much more
with family to love
ok on my own
so much to love
set me free
of the demon
the chains
the desperation and the ways and mean
help I have fallen
and I must give in
don't murder me
please don't murder me
but he is skary
he is unkept
he will hurt me
when he gets upset
stop
what to do in the glory
pray at the feed of god
covered in the blood of christ
never forbidden
just not knowing
wanna know what love is
I think you can show me

[tristanbgilb]

the pen is mighty. the computer and keyboard is mighty also. I am glad that god will show us the way. how many generations will suffer before he who we admire and love our shepherd will rise from the shadows and show us that it is he who knows that which must be. be filled with joy for god is with us and our children. we who are great are to be humble and those that are not humbled may know god if humble to him who shed his blood for all to be with us. love is great and heals if given time. hate tears and admonishment.. love our children as the angels of free will for they are to be holy in angel years. who is to be must be and then we will continue onward bounds without underground for the sound. i will not hate you for the labels you bear. love each other on the merits of their own greatness for god has put greatness in ALL to share and to give back freely to those in need. come to me in kindness and you will not be turned away. come to me in anger and explain my trespass and I will repent as need. to repent is to accept change in ones spirit and way. where is the repenting of the alcoholic who is drunk day after day. but is he to blame in a society of drunks when the plant cannabis is forbidden. not knowing. just wondering.. the poppy is so awful. keep it from me. i don't want it. i have no need for the flower other than beauty of nature. it is awful poison medicine. so much can be done with cannabis without the constipating affects. sick don't want to be constipated even more.. flush oxygenate nutritionize scrub do-no-harm

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life is here for all that want it. dead in the soul, wanting to be the best there was and is and can ever be but hoping for at least ok. there are heartbreaks in life and I have had one or two. not like puppy love heartbreak. like things that hurt. I cry out to god sometimes and wonder why it is so slow to cleanse the evil from earth. then it comes to me... man has free will.. and must have time to learn..dna sequences continue to get more and options like a crypto coin in the mining game. life is good.. I look out the door and the sky has blue... smoke seems to be blowing off in another direction. rain .. where is the rain. the heat is less. only it is so dry.. I remember when i was sent to mars... not much left on that civilization now. me and my gramma put that face on mars with a wheelbarrow and shovel. then I wrote the 10 commandments and tried to remember them so I could know how to behave. i was thrown from heaven.. hit earth with so much velocity that we wiped out the dinosaurs and made earth safe for human habitation.

[tristanbgilb]

suicide is giving up but this body is a temple of gods awareness in the holy spirit. i remember the holy spirit entering my heart. i was alone with a medical permit for smoking cannabis is those days was required. legal in every way i smoked and thought of god. then it happened i was consumed with this fire in my heart and a burn of the soul. not sure. soul possession or just opening a love chakra. not really knowing but this spirit of love that entered me with a burn was with permission and with such no regrets of this union of host and parasite. for it is i who is a retched angel heart. let it be kown i have been taught angels don't have the free will of the man. let god's will be done. let it be known this spirit is still a child in angel years. for such heavenly grace is upon this demon and in conversion humbled from the greatness of the christ who gave it all to be free and love all. sinless in all ways and forever the holy king of earth but still in my confusion I am unknowing of how ALL exists in the flesh of a body. so suicide is a murder of the temple and as taught grounds for hell fires and brimstones. then the angel choir continues.. forgive yourself our friend but I cannot. i cannot hide i cannot escape the unwanted goodness of not hating. wanda taught me "may peace be with you." that is the first step. peace.. but there is little peace in the depths of hell for the demon minded. lets go on and be free. free to self express. I remember the angel tiffany after she survived trying to hang herself. she was so sweet and wanted to be gone. so many succeed.. so many failures.. angels intervene it seems.. spirits that guide us through life. gramma is often watching. I think she was as perfect as a person was to be. i never knew her to sin. she was kind and stern if I was bad.. taught me to speak the truth and enjoy a good fib in humour. she died at 99 and starved herself. was it suicide.? to me she was yoda and just chose her time. she was a saint. not the catholic type. the real kind. without prejudice just knowing the god that traveled in her heart prepared me to accept the holy spirit just as first I had to humble myself to the jesus who is christ. why some live and some die is an odd thing. seems like there should be enough angels to go around. there have been so many in my travels. maybe they were busy trying to get me on track. i don't really know why. love is strange. it is all. all is love. its like holding a child who puts complete trust into the moment and falls asleep. love is sometimes tough. but there are rules in earth on how we treat each other. love each other.. love god. love thyself for all are worthy under the blood of christ.

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continuing onward confessing is not enough. with confession must come a conscious effort to be as good as able. who is the example to follow. my dad. he is a good teacher. . . my mom who loves the dirtiest of dogs and children. i don't know much. sometimes it is good just to sit and not think at all. stessful for many. to be alone with oneself and the spirits following this body. to think a one spirit body is confusing to me. possession? or who belongs.. identity is strange when the world and spirits and generations continuing on. sorcery is a powerful demonic force full of self destruct sequences. psychedelics are the doorway to hell. there is power there in evil existence of the demon world. love is the way to the lord. not about the power it is about the lightness of the heart and the doorway to know our creatures spirit heart of good.

[tristanbgilb]

what should we do as our world crumbles and the governments we love turn to Satan when Lucifer himself is reaching saint hood and the pits of hell may not hold him for long. for it is jesus who has the keys and lucifer he fallen is humbled before the greatness of his lord and god. what shall be and what is to be.. can the prophesy be rewritten? let us pray for one devil prayer though of kindness may not be the voice of god and all. kindness.. show kindness... grow to love.. love is not always self serving but this temple must be cared for.

[tristanbgilb]

how many must suffer before god lets it be know jesus is here and suffers with us do as ALL does too
if you are a great big tree we are a small ax ready to chop you down

[tristanbgilb]

In high school Ignored god the best I could. he was always there. gramma gilbert made sure I knew he was there. she also made sure i could read the king james version of the bible. it was exciting to learn about god and read his words. i was never sure about the new testament. the old scriptures of the bible were time proven as a history of the jewish people. i still don't understand what it is to be jewish. i don't know if it is me or not. jews need to be respected in all ways for they have the burden of being of gods chosen without the comfort of christ in their hearts. I guess they go right to god so they have to be better than the average spirit or something like that. I really have never understood not wanting the comfort of knowing christ since taking him as my friend and leader under god. this is my deception as the fallen angel is jesus equal to god or is he a prophet like of muslim. and how do jews get to heaven when they won't accept him as christ rather than more like a prophet of god. and then what is a prophet? i can accept I am nothing but donkey turds without the love of jesus and the that jesus loves as god would love us. so I am able to accept that jesus is a prophet of gods love. my trouble is accepting god existing in flesh. it sort of seems like a cult worship. there is a fine line between the christian jesus as god in flesh and cult worshipping. i see jesus as sinless.. is it my ambition to be without sin? it is taught i have sin in my flesh. the desires the hopes dreams and ambitions. help me dearest god my creator and help us understand together the blessings of the christ and all he has done for me and you and all there is to be.

[tristanbgilb]

I remember when I hit bottom. I was homeless on St. John USVI. Still in my twenties with unmedicated bipolar schizophrenia, I set a hammock in a tree overlooking a cliff on the island outside the National Park boundaries. I was desperate for a cannabis cigarette and begged to get in on a joint with some pirates hiding in the bushes on the outskirts of town. when it came my turn on the spliff it sizzled and tasted funny. I went places to hell deeper than ever before. With the rock cocaine so prevalent on the island, I let my greed for pot get the best of me. This joint was loaded and off to a land of shadow persons i went to. engulfed in evil I went mad thinking I could be above jesus. let it be known every demon in all hell came upon me to feast as rabid puranas. to enter hell without the blood of christ is horrifying. i ran like a madman in the night as the thunder rolled and the lightning cracked. I had to get back to the protection of jesus for alone I was being consumed. the sky called out .. set still. and I did.. build a fire... and I did as the rain poured from the sky and everything around me was soaked. remove your belongings.. everything and throw them in the fire and enter with the world with jesus in your heart. so everything I had and I was as naked as a baby on an island of no friends with everything I owned smoldering in a stinky fire beside me. then the fire said. everything...take your knife from the fire and removed your dreadlocks. so I pulled my knife and chopped each knotted stinky foul slimly cootey infested grossness from my body. and like that the fire exploded with my dreads and I was alone no more.

[tristanbgilb]

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[tristanbgilb]

Hey. Right on clue whats the cue.

[tristanbgilb]

Let it be known to all the world this devil saint testifies to jesus and askes for forgiveness. so selfish. so self engrossed. following law to avoid punishment only. then the laws get confused. plants can't be criminal. what you do with a plant could be of consequence but farming is part of us and in our DNA. I see goodness arising from the god our father. we just need to realize we can't get away from him and our duties to follow the laws as a minimum. I tested him. when I die I will be tried. i better do good from now on.. i am on borrowed time already. given new life by a spine surgery keeping my spinal cord functional and me alive. today I give my life to god and do his will. even I the devil have confessed for all the world to see my awfulness and evilness and the treachery of my life. a user abuser ball bruiser as awful as scum on the planet. the kind I hate. but stanley whose gonna love you if you don't love yourself? so I think of something good in my heart. i love my children.. they are perfect angels. i try lto think of something else good.. i call my mom often.. thank my dad.. he is a good man.. I asked a college professor if my dad was god.. he told me that I might like to think so if it gave me some comfort. we need a safe place. violence against each other.. violence in thought. thoughts of violence on the tiv.. we need a safety zone.. highway to the danger zone. rightness is the danger zone..might I live and grow and live and know.. maybe down to the ground my son and sound.. help me I don't want to perish in all the kindness of hospice. save my soul from illness and carry us into health.. is sin not entropy into hell?

[tristanbgilb]

I remember her and still cry sometimes for her being gone and the pain she must have felt leaving the world. its affecting me today the angel that has suffered and left the world. my heart went empty... i was beyond numb. she died and I cried and cried a river timberlake style. I must confess that i love lona more than anyone else who is dead. I love a lot of dead people like gramma and gramps. Only they were old and their times came yet I miss them so and wish I would have spent more time with them. lona however was young and beautiful and had the whole world going for her. i stayed far away from her. i was no good and didn't want to mess her up with my foulness. i loved her and thought maybe one day i could be ok. even at an early age I felt awkward until I discovered I didn't care after a case of animal beer. animal beer is what we grew up on and that is what I liked. schmit or others might lisp a little because it was not the best beer. kegs were fun. we drank kegs of beer and had big fires in the woods. it was the making of crazy daze and a purple haze. LSD rotted my brain and likely did lots of damage. Stupid idiots still believe it drugs but they are an evil path. our whole society is poisoned on drugs. i see them on the streets. I was one of them only not so many of us back then. i stayed alive and got better. i hope to always improve and look to do better. i don't understand the leap to a perfect mind thought or stillness. anything perfect in my drug rotted mind and infestation of partying and not caring about no one but myself. lona i loved and she left the world never knowing i could be good. i just want to apologize i never said hi to her. I avoided her in every way my love was so great for her. that is how it was i adored her too much to touch her or hold her gaze for too long from across the school hallway. so I just want to see if she is ok now that she has passed on. i looked for her on lsd. so much. she died and I wanted to be where she was. this was my past. in my youth. trips...spirit trips... psychedelics are a doorway to hell. pandora's box. sorcery. I used sorcery to try to find lona who I was told had died when I was away serving in the navy. I found hell alright but no lona. she is in heaven.. or somewhere thats not hell. I don't really know. seems strange to be the most beautiful lady alive and not enjoy living. i miss her and never said hell to her and avoided her in everyway. I have no right no morn but I searched for her and fryed my brain a lot. lsd is the worst of all drugs but might have medical use on criminal insane. its worth a shot. cruel and unusual.. lsd is the awfullest of all the things I did looking for god to ask him where lona ways. i was so sick .. heal my ways and let me know a kinder way and a greater tomorrow. let it be known all goodness in the heart can prevail and the mind can heal. so much sickness. im not the only one. let us be kind together. i love my family. they have changed my anger against god. he has answered my many prayers in all so many ways. be careful what you pray for. but not too careful. I think a casualness with god at times can be good. sometimes when he is in the mood we just talk..its important to talk to god. some won't talk because they don't know he is there. i have faith. faith instilled in me from the teaching and love of my elders. we must evaluate our past and not sensor a better tomorrow.

[tristanbgilb]

I am not bad but i want to be better
not sure what it would entail
awareness
self awareness
self actualization
loving each other as he wants us to
all this fussing and fighting
its making everyone mad
no one to blame
been fighting for generations
never remember not fighting
all the fussing and fighting forever and ever
the program has a flaw
we cant treat one another so badly
there are rules to the game
i have been insane
I left the way
and dove into the darkness
practiced sorcery
even against ones I loved
so let it be known
there has been the witch doctor
and he told me what to do
he said oo ee oo aa ah
how will love prevail
what is the surprise beginning
the turning point
can christian and muslim and jew and hindu and ALL be here ok
confusing
delusion
no institution
its gone mad
so so sad
but its fun
for all the madness
there must be gladness
life ends sometimes
how a heart can cry a lifetime
heartfelt wonder
how to love again
when all is gone
the day the music died

[tristanbgilb]

So for all the evil of the past it is known I am dirt and to dirt I will rot with the worms when my time comes. Until that day I pray for goodness in my life and the lives of all the people on earth. so how can it be that we suffer so much greatness. Karma is real to me. My life was so awful in past scripts from my awful ways. Now I am done testing my god and take him as my god with none greater than he who has created all and who has always been and will always be. I myself can be terminated at any time if he that created me allows. OH god how I have suffered so greatly not doing what has been commanded breaking in truth to willfully do evil and how I have been so engulfed in my evil that all abandoned me as I abandoned their early ways. Let us not go forth and all come good together. for none has been more evil than me in ways and means. so I will lead the way and be the saint my gramma always knew I could be. Though a devil child for sure there was a wanting to be good but kind of lazyness that wouldn't allow. So for all of us to be good for now on would just fix the place. The Terror of Muslim and the correctness of the Christian. How can I be right when everyone is wrong. We are all dying in our filth so lets clean our ways and minds and who I am. I can be a monster of the past but the way of a good future. I can feel love in my heart. I am not the numbness I felt with my alcoholic military ways.

God so loved the world he gave us his son knowing we would never let him live here as good let alone accept him as king and teacher. So learning his lesson he quietly lives his life teaching no one as we all rot away thinking he is just a myth.

[tristanbgilb]

Father in Heaven
How Great you are
Forever is your way
Care for me for who has transgressed you over and over
Care for my family who are perfect little children your sheep
Love us
help us obey your way
and the commandments
set before in holy scripture
let it be known
forever is a long time
when it never started
it just is and always will be
help us father to understand your greatness
as all us are all so little
so much suffering
and all so many children hurting
forgive me for all I have hurt
and help me hurt no one ever
love life
love all
life though wife
goodness is your way
and all ways

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